.. and now for something completely different!

Here's a wee rhyme by 'Tha Wizard' about the 'Ballintoy Gunslingers'.

Burberry Man M'Grew

Me an the boys wur fu' as po's, 
In M'Shafertie's saloon, 
An a fermers boy fae Balintoy, 
Wus murderin a Jim Reeves tune. 

At the enn o the bar in dungarees, 
An whut wus left o a Burberry coat, 
Sut a boy wha come in, as blak as sin, 
An a baerd like Jamiesons goat, 

Sittin watchin him lake a cat wae a moose, 
An naw a bar in hir grate, 
Sut a rickle o‚ bones aboot seven stone, 
She wus known as Tolly Eye't Kate. 

She had fell through the door, She wus kell't like a boar, 
She had sa‚ monies a gye ruch hoose 
She cursed an she swore an she sput on the floor, 
Drinkin still an boortry juice. 

Weel she wink't at the boy in the Burberry coat, 
An seys she, ir ye passin through, 
Seys he, yis ma'am, indeed I am, 
I am gan tae the boar wae a soo. 

She striddl't oot ower an she seys tae him, 
Mae boy that's a gye dark nicht, 
It's up tae you but for drivin a soo, 
Ye cud Œve dane wae a bit o a licht.

 

Seys he sowl dae ye know, yer‚e naw sae slow 
For baith me an the soo‚s clean bate, 
She tweedl't hir thooms an she bar't hir gooms, 
Is that the soo that's tied tae the gate, 

I hae a Hurrican lamp up at my oul camp, 
An strenger if your game 
I'll see ye richt for the len o' a licht, 
Geen you wud see me hame. 

Weel he got cleek‚t on hir erm'the boady mean‚t nae herm, 
But that's whun hell bruk loose, 
For Scabby Heid't Dan the oul dolls man 
Come intae the public hoose. 

Weel he lukk‚t at the boy in the Burberry coat, 
An lot oot a baw like a bull, 
An seys he richt mate, lee go oor Kate, 
Or I'll knock in your bloody skull. 

He pley't race for yer man in the Burberry coat, 
An put him clean aff hes feet, 
An in a cloud o stoor they gane throo the dure, 
An they focht in the dark coul street. 

Weel they tell mae that, barrin twa buck cats, 
Sich a fecht wus niver seen, 
The steet turn't red as the twa boys bled , 
An blaken't ithers een. 

Boys the rips an the tears ye wud‚v thocht twa bears, 
Wus fechtin for Tolly Eye't Kate, 
On murder bent tae doon they went, 
Ower the soo that wus tyed tae the gate. 

As sure as ye wur boarn the very nixt moarn, 
Lyin there wae thoor pans knock't in, 
Wus Scabby Heid‚t Dan an the Burberry man, 
Wae nebs an knuckles skinn't.

 

Sure it's nae surprise, that mens naw wise, 
It's mony times prove't true, 
As they got wash't at the pump,wae thoor heid full o lumps, 
Oul Burberry miss't the soo. 

Seys the fermers boy fae Belintoy 
An he swore whut he sey'd wus true, 
Och! Bliss mae sowl, whun ye's wur baith felt coul, 
Oul Kate wus away wae the soo.

Charlie 'Tha Wizard' Gillen